Last night, as I’m holding my two month old and attempting to discipline my four year old, all of us on the verge of tears, it was as if time stood still and my professional and personal worlds collided in slow motion. I was losing my patience at rapid speed, telling my son to “Listen!” He incessantly nodded his head, moving around the floor like a Transformer, making oblivious noises. “Listen!” I insisted, louder and louder, blood pressure rising. “Listen to me!” And then –wham- worlds collide and the lightbulb goes off in my tired-mama head. “You can’t just nod your head. You have to pause what you’re doing and look at me the entire time, until I’m done speaking.” He needed me to stop, calm down, and teach him what it means to listen respectfully.
The moment went perfectly with this summer book study of Shane Safir’s The Listening Leader: Creating the Conditions for Equitable School Transformation. Shane’s words read like therapy for the leader who isn’t sure of the next steps. I’ve already filled many pages of notes and reflection on her words. What has spoken to me most so far is the reminder of the critical importance to establish a culture of trust. While I had previously focused this philosophy on student learning and growth, I am realizing the same must be true for all of us.
Shane illustrates through her experiences in working with educators the “deeply human need to matter, to be seen, heard, and valued” (p.2), and in Chapter 2 describes the neuroscience behind it all: to develop, our brains need emotional safety, positive feedback, and room for error (p.47). Not only is this so powerful for the instruction in the classroom communities we provide our students, but also for our staff. The classroom, school, and district must support one another with a “healthy emotional climate in which people are relaxed enough to learn, grow, and collaborate” (p.41).
Last summer, I embraced Regie Routman’s Literacy Essentials. Regie prioritized her book by beginning with "Engagement: Developing Trusting Relationships". She shared the wisdom of her experiences with sending the message to each child “I see you, I know who you are, I understand you” (p.13). What if we cultivate relationships with our colleagues to the same degree? To begin deep change, we must start with listening. For our district goals, visions of student success, and all the hard work to resonate, we must first (re)establish the culture of trust. We must develop a shared vision for our students, and determine what evidence we really need to show progress.
Both Shane and Regie believe in the power of storytelling (and listening) to start this pivotal process. In Literacy Essentials, Regie notes:
Storytelling, as generations of people from all over the world have known for millennia, helps us bond with each other. Stories humanize us and connect us. Stories promote the value of our lives through talk, listening, and conversation- all of which are necessary for a full and happy life. (p. 16)
Shane references "storientation" and 30-minute listening "one-on-ones", and I’m curious to read more about her methods for this. She encourages inquiry into the key events that have inspired who we are as teachers today. I plan to start with something like,
Think about who you are as a teacher and who you aspire to be. Consider the pivotal moments that have shaped your journey. Share pieces of your story. (p. 49)
I am excited to witness the impact these storytelling and listening experiences will have on myself as a leader, the staff I work with, and the students and families of our community. And I hope to be brave enough to lower my administrator walls and share pieces of me too.
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