Mindful Listening

It is a privilege to write professionally once again. This is my first blog post in over a year since the day I experienced a stroke and everything stopped. Once I was back on my feet, I realized that I had been given a second chance at life. I was forced to slow down and examine my life both personally and professionally. I find it difficult to separate these two areas of life because they seem to flow into each other. They are reciprocal. If I learn something new about myself personally, it overflows into my professional life and vice versa.

The Listening Leader comes at this time of deep reflection in my life. I have always prided myself on strong professional relationship building, but as I reflect on my years as an instructional coach, I can see that the listening skills necessary for relationship building need improvement. I’m discovering that sometimes I am more absorbed with my own busyness, thoughts, and interpretations, and I’m not really listening. At least this is what I realize now that Shane Safir’s book became part of my summer reading list.

Mindful listening increases one’s capacity to connect with others across differences in gender, race, culture, and age.

-Shane Safir

So what am I missing? In chapter 4, Safir gives three steps to get ready to listen mindfully.

(1) Look into the mirror to cultivate self-awareness.

(2) Step into the other person’s shoes to shift awareness towards their perspective.

(3) Step up to the balcony by imagining that you are a neutral observer, watching and listening to your interaction with the other person.

This is what I’ve been missing. I need to get ready to listen mindfully rather than simply listening on my terms.

What is getting in my way of listening mindfully?

For Safir, it was rumination. She defines rumination as the tendency to get absorbed in one’s own thoughts, sensations, and interpretations rather than being present in the situation. This has been getting in my way too. I have not truly considered how my own thoughts are a barrier to listening well. The staff and students I serve need to feel that I am listening authentically with empathy and receptivity without inserting my own agenda or feelings.

What steps can I take to become a more mindful listener?

Safir provides a Mindful Listening Tool to combat rumination and get ready to listen. The three steps provided are Self-awareness, Other awareness, and System awareness. As I consider the questions for reflection listed under each of the three steps, specific ones pertain to my current role as a reading specialist and literacy leader. Since listening requires conscious, focused preparation, I plan to incorporate these steps and questions as I work on improving my listening skills during the upcoming school year.

Self-awareness: Look in the mirror. Other awareness: Stand in the other’s shoes. System awareness: Step up to the balcony to analyze the various forces at play. Who am I in this interaction through the lenses of race, culture, gender, age, and role? What unconscious biases may be at work in my brain? What social threat might be activated for this person? What does the person seem to care about most in this situation? What indicators of trust do you see? How would you describe this interaction?

Let’s get ready to listen mindfully!

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